The Devil and the Doctor
by Vilinye
Summary: New Temptor Upiziet is given an unusual assignment-the 11th Doctor.  Screwtape Letters for the 11th Doctor. Finished through God Complex
1. Chapter 1

My dear Upziet,

Stop your whining at once. Surely you have heard of the fate of my nephew Wormwood and your immediate predecessor Pogsnoit. And with each failure, I grow ever more ravenous. You have heard the law of Hades. Do not disappoint us.

You asked why we have been instructed to deal with an alien species, when their relationship with the Enemy is unknown. I shall repeat what I told Pogsnoit when he asked that very question. First, it is our goal to bewilder any attempt of the Enemy's, regardless of degree. Secondly, this 'Doctor' fights for life throughout the galaxy, particularly that of humans, and any day spent alive by a human is one that the Enemy might use for his advantage. Remember that.

Now, as to your initial report: I note with severe disappointment that you were unable to use his post-regeneration trauma to produce any violent behavior. The near-murder of Peri by the Sixth Doctor was an excellent example of taking full use of the situation. On a lesser scale, Pogsnoit managed to arose mistrust after the Ninth's regeneration, a situation that he exploited on later occasions.

But this new companion he's picked up seems most promising. First of all, the lack of family, which can be a double-edged sword. While it leaves no accountability, it also lessons the conflict between time-traveling and ordinary life, which they shall one day return to. Also, she is very attractive and bold sexually, which, if nothing else, will add to the tension in the TARDIS.

Leaving that aside for another time, the Doctor has already presented a contradictory image to this Amy Pond, which you can play with in any number of ways. On one hand, he's her childhood hero, her imaginary friend, finally returned. On the other hand, he ran off and left her for fourteen years, a betrayal time has done nothing to heal. As long as you manipulate your patient—or shall I say Doctor?—carefully, this dichotomy can be used must efficiently to drive a wedge between them.

Finally, I understand your annoyance at his childish manners. But with skill, those mannerisms can become as exasperating to the patient's companion as to you.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	2. Chapter 2

My dear Upziet,

I am profoundly disappointed in your report. It opened with such promise, but the most you can report to your credit is a shouting fit while the patient was attempting to lobotomize the Star Whale. In the face of such failure, I see only one course of action. You must hold a conference with Fizspur, the tempter in charge of the girl, to coordinate a mutual plan of attack. Though cooperation is distasteful, need I remind you of the alternative cost for failure?

As a final suggestion, see if you can sabotage the TARDIS to find a more difficult situation for next time. Something else could prove more effective in bringing out his dark side.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	3. Chapter 3

My dear Upziet,

At last you report success. But don't think this lets you wiggle off my hook so easily. Did you really toy with his mind and emotions when the Daleks offered him the choice between saving Earth and destroying his oldest enemy? A seasoned tempter could have produced the most frightening images of either choice, paralyzing him with dread till the decision point had already passed. But his anger was a delicious sample of what might occur.

I also wish to draw your attention to a smaller incident that could have significant payoff if played correctly. When the Doctor attempted to stop the bomb from going off, he used negative emotions—pain, loss, sorrow. Apparently some emotions of his part life still linger. With a little maneuvering on your part, he can wear a mask of childish irresponsibly while hiding wounds underneath, and the occasions when the two collide are simply wonderful to watch.

I expect further results along this line in your next report.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	4. Chapter 4

My dear Upziet,

Although I fail to understand why your latest dispatch was divided into two parts, I will reply to both of them at once, as they relate a single incident. First of all, I must express exasperation over the ending of the whole affair. Your excuses of his non-human nature are pathetically thin. He is a male, after all, and surely even the most disinterested of the gender would respond to her advances in that situation.

On the other hand, you did manage to use his bipolar nature, going from a blunt declaration of "shut up, you're dying" to tender, loving words and care to unsettle the girl. I suppose you planned this all with Fizspur?

Finally, I see a growing pride and tendency to go overboard in vengeance. Those traits need to be exaggerated and worked with. Also, since Amy's fiancé will be joining the TARDIS crew, I expect you to contact Girsnub and fill him in on the previous developments.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	5. Chapter 5

My dear Upziet,

Why must all your reports of success depend upon the actions of others? Yes, I know his boast to the fishy-lady was rather impressive, but he didn't even draw a weapon. However, all is not lost. Reports indicate that her last words were "Can your conscious bear the weight of another dead race?" Although her choice was not his fault, we can certainly make him _think_ it was. Another line to embed in your patient's memory is Rory's line "You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around."

Pogsnoit used a similar tactic with great success on the past Doctor, till every other sentence out of his mouth was "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." In fact, until the final incident, Pogsnoit's record was outstanding and well worth emulating.

Make him feel responsibility for the continued well-being of the entire cosmos, and the results will be astounding. While you may doubt that someone of this personality can believe such rubbish, it is actually easier with the young and naïve than with the even-temped elderly. That is why the first few regenerations were so difficult to manage. But now that he prefers a younger form, our work is simplified.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	6. Chapter 6

My dear Upziet,

My hearty congratulations to the three of you. This incident, apart from the immediate responses from all parties, successfully roused each individual's deepest fears and provided plenty of material for each of you to exploit.

Although the nature of this "Dream Lord" remains unknown, it is obvious that many of his accusations came from Our Father Below. I remain particularly gleeful over the line "Friends? Is that what you call the people you abandon?" It would have been even more painful for the previous version, who had lost companions to death, amnesia, and parallel worlds, but no matter. I trust you will use it accordingly.

Now, in the aftermath, you must make him feel like a third wheel, the one left out while they go all kissy-face on each other. If it reminds him of past loves, so much the better, though research has never been able to conclusively link him with anyone. Do not waste your time on such endeavors—keep your mind on your work.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	7. Chapter 7

My dear Upziet,

I wish to address two minor issues before assessing your report. First of all, why do you insist on sending these two-part reports that divide at the most inconvenient of places? Secondly, regarding the origins of Susan and related romantic implacations: the reproduction methods of Time Lords is a controversial subject, for reasons I will not relate here. Remain focused.

Regarding your report, his anger at Ambrose is only a minor credit to your work. Your objective with him is twofold. First of all, prevent heroics, especially of the saving-people kind. Secondly, inflict pain and misery. All other sins that do not contribute to these ends are irrelevant.

Now that Rory has been erased from time, it will naturally enter the Doctor's mind to be kind to her. You must resist your instinct and allow these actions—even encourage them, as painful as it may be. Because Amy cannot remember Rory, she will most likely interpret such actions romantically, which will add to the tension between them. In any case, she will likely experience confusion and bewilderment—two often overlooked weapons in our arsenal.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	8. Chapter 8

My dear Upziet,

I fear you have lapsed into morbid emotions over the current state of affairs. Need I remind you of the law of hell? Bring back food, or become food yourself.

I delayed my response to your most recent report, believing it was merely an aberration, but your latest report filled me with alarm. You let the patient live in a normal situation—and the roommate still likes him afterwards? Even worse, said roommate credits the Doctor with an improved romantic life. An utter catastrophe! The whole Van Gogh incident is little better. Our Father Below would be utterly aghast at your incompetence.

I grow increasingly weary of your excuses.

Sincerely and ravenously,

Screwtape


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Upziet,

Now you understand the greatest difficulty of dealing with this patient—he is slippery as a minnow. You thought he was trapped in the Pandorica, but I didn't believe it for a mortal minute. He always escapes. And that red-haired witch, well, we need to plan something special for her. Bringing her back to life with just a few words, no blood or death. A happy ending….And then the Doctor and the Ponds whiz away in the blue box!

It is unfortunate that you must remain in his own time-stream, or we could figure out who exactly this River is and how to best use it. But you will be given plenty of time to learn. The lOwarchy has allowed you to continue, but due to the learning curve for a replacement, NOT your own potential. You are not safe yet.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Upziet,

I will pass over the unfortunate Kazran incident, if only because you would not listen to me if I ranted at you. But the current situation is most invigorating. Despite your patient's genuine bewilderment over Amy's questioning and River's slap, you recovered well, later retrieving the details from Fizspur and Girsnub without revealing it to the patient.

There are secrets in the TARDIS—Amy's strange pregnancy, the Doctor's death, and River's identity. Nothing breaks a bond faster than secrets, particularly of this magnitude. Keep him suspicious and brooding.

Apart from finally understanding why Nixon was so secretive, we also have humanity committing mass murder unwittingly. I shall leave to the studious to determine the motivations of those aliens. As we are spiritual beings and immune to their hypnosis, we can use this unwitting murder to our advantage, creating vague guilt and uneasiness.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Upziet,

I find combining my response to your whiplashing reports the only way to bear them. Those pirates, for example, are not very amusing, nor the auto-medic of some parallel spaceship. On the other hand, that bubble universe was utterly delightful.

House's methods are certainly a credit to Our Father Below, to whom he delivered many souls. The games House played with both of them, especially Amy, were as vintage wine, and I trust they shall be revisited often in days to come.

As for the Doctor, his sequence, if not as downlifting, was most useful. While you giggled like a human tween at the frequent use of 'Sexy,' you almost missed the disproportionateretribution on house and his absolutely pathetic expression as Idris died. He's been insisting that thing is sentient for years, but the outcome was bittersweet, as everything always turns out when he's involved.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Uzpiet,

While your reaction to this revelation is understandable, you must not let it rattle your wits so. So what if Amy was a Ganger? It was still her heart and soul, so Fizspur's work is not diminished in the least. The other event you related—that Amy accidently 'spilled the beans' about his future death, is also useful, but for now, we must remain focused on the immediate turn of events.

Obviously, he will find her. No question about that. It is very hard to hide from the Doctor in any way, and openly confronting him is a recipe for annihilation (except the Daleks, whom Our Father Below preserves for their fear-inspiring qualities, but that is beside the point.) Now, he will be cocky and furious, an excellent combination. While we are not in control of the outcome, we can make sure the event is simply spectacular.

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Upziet,

Well, that puts a whole subdepartment out of work—or rather, sets them on another task. So, River Song is Melody Pond. If our hunches are correct, that also means the Doctor will be Amy's son-in-law. Unfortunately, that will most likely put an end once and for all to the Rory/Doctor game we so enjoy…but this is _Amy_ we're talking about.

Overall, I can unrestrictedly praise this report. Apart from the lovely deaths that results, the Doctor's darkness was unleashed. For all the rules he claims to have, he certainly broke many on Demons Run. Toying with them, no hints of mercy—absolutely perfect.

And to top it off, River Song gave him a wonderful lecture about the word 'doctor' meaning 'mighty warrior.' You must ensure he does not reform in response to the accusation, but I heard him mutter something about killing Hitler as he stepped in the TARDIS…

Sincerely,

Screwtape


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Upziet,

How many times must I pound this thought into your brain? The Doctor never dies! Even if his body is burned to ashes, NEVER assume he's dead. Even those pixelating robots knew better.

Furthermore, he was extremely passive in this adventure. And don't give me his physical condition as an excuse. Some of our best work has been done with dying people. No, instead he went and focused on saving the lives of his friends. Well, even worse, he wanted to save his murder! The entire outcome makes me sick. A wonderfully witty psychopath surrendering her remaining regenerations to save the very man she murdered.

Don't bother mentioning the alien boy with nightmares. It really didn't do anything besides scaring them.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Uzpiet,

I suspect you have fallen into the trap of pacifying your patient, as the alternative—that you discovered the value of weakness to incite sin—is hardly likely in view of your past failures. However, if you wish to continue with the strategy, let me explain the psychology behind it, lest you see it as an easy way out. Near the end of his previous life, he made major errors, arrogantly believing he could meddle with fixed points in time. Now that his death is a fixed point, we shall see if he still holds that view. If so, things are likely to go pear-shaped very quickly, creating storms of chaos. If not, the universe will be rid of a very annoying meddler.

In the meantime, nothing can be as useful as taking a man determined to do right and setting him in a situation that he cannot fix and will nonetheless be blamed for. Specifically, putting the Doctor's companion in danger and making it impossible for him to rescue her. Even his martyr complex doesn't extend to willingly entering a quarantine for a fatal disease.

You mentioned "enjoying the situation immensely." Fool! Joy is a human trait. Time enough to gloat when souls are safe in Our Father's House. Even though, in human terms, this incident _never happened,_ I assure you your patient remembers it and the accompanying guilt.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Uzpiet,

You dare imply that the conclusion of this adventure was a success? Blind fool! He left them alive, unharmed, and together. Not only did he leave them in comfort, but they accepted his reason, if not agreeing with it. No impassible wall, no side-effect of immortality, no erased memories—just a sickening display of unselfishness.

The only useful result is that he's alone again. He is much easier to manage without human pets to restrain his self-righteousness and self-loathing. Review Pogsnoit's records from the Reality Bomb fiasco to his regeneration, especially the Bowie Base 1 incident. At the same time, it is not too soon to consider influencing his selection of a new companion. As appealing as an openly antagonist associate is, the case of Donna Noble shows how that can backfire. I will submit the case to spirits Lower Down and see what conclusion they come to.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Uzpiet,

Must you continue to try me with these exasperating reports? For all our studies and research, we still have not determined what this "love" the Enemy speaks of is, much less how it could override a Cyberman processing unit. Spirits much wiser than you have been seeking the answer for thousands of years, without complete success. Suffice it to say at this time, our primary objective is to thwart any love with elements of selflessness, while encouraging lust.

That is not to say that the event was a complete disaster. While Cybermen create much damage among the human race, the process seems to render them inaccessible to our agents. Again, researchers have struggled to determine why this might be, but suggest that the removal of choice might be at fault. While a functioning Cybermen base might have seemed preferable, we shall work more freely among mere men.

Yes, I am sure it amused you that they were taken for a "couple," but Craig is in a "committed relationship," and the Doctor is most awkward in all things sensual, leading to no physical results, not even anger. Focus on your client, not others' perception of him. We have other departments that focus on reputations.

Sincerely, Screwtape


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Uzpiet,

Might I remind you that your client is the Doctor, not River Song, Amy Pond, or Rory Williams? Apart from a kiss, his actions in this whole scenario are passive, which can only be affective so long before all power of action are lost. Yes, he killed the Silents, but might I remind you that none of our agents have yet determined the Enemy's view of these actions; your time is better spent on actions with memorable consquences.

Do you insist on continuing this "passive" façade with him? It utterly shattered at Demon's Run, and holds out poorly when his friends are threatened. But the ending still holds promise. He is alone—Our Father Below knows how long that state of affairs shall last—and insists on faking his own death. Without "someone to stop him," as a former companion remarked, he shall continue hiding his darker side and trying to save the world solo. When this fails—as it is bound to-, he shall despair of success and slowly stop trying. If he ever reunited with them, the meetings shall be ripe with tension to be used for our causes.  
>Sincerely, Screwtape<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Uzpiet,

To quote a famous Englishman on the subject of Christmas: Ba, humbug. At least the previous regeneration had Christmases full of alien invasions, death and chaos. His final Christmas was a masterpiece that took centuries of planning, from undoing the Time Lock to manipulating Wilf into the nuclear bolt chamber.

What have we seen from this one? A starcruiser nearly crashing and a WWIII pilot rescued. Small adventures provide small material for a tempter to use. If I had a mortal body, I would have vomited over your report—lemonade taps, hammocks, a forest in a box—and the undisguised "fun" they had with him there. Not to mention the sickeningly sweet ending.

Sincerely, Screwtape


End file.
